Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He passed out mid-signature
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
