How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
