I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Randomize
