...so i touched it.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
