i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
