and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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