It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
