do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
