Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
