I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
