Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
