I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
