I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Soap is not a condiment
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
