Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
