how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
