That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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