i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Randomize
