Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
