I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
