So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
