she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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