Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
