I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
