Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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