i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
