see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
