Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
