youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
