Nicole vs. Life
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
