i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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