"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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