i just had sex bonerless
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
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