yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
