i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
