I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
