We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
