I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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