I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
