Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
