Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
