dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
