My room smells like vodka and shame
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
