I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
