Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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