i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
