Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
