I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
