you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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