The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
