I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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