Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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