How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
