dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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