remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
