if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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