Rock
Scissors
Fuck
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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