beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
