We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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