my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The air was thick with penises
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
