Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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