she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Randomize
