i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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