very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
