it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
