If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
