Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
