I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
