im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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