I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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