dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
