Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
