I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
