I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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