you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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