FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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