Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
