Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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