There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
