Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
