thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
