this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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