Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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