Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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