She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
